Here's what Rob Brezsny's Free Will Astrology says for this week...

VIRGO (Keanu's sign): Happy Holy Daze, Virgo! I've been meditating on the perfect holiday presents for you. What might inspire you to be in closest alignment with the cosmic currents in 2003? One recurring vision I have is of cheap gag gifts like whoopi cushions, fake ice cubes containing plastic flies, metal cans that purport to contain shelled peanuts but erupt with spring-loaded toy snakes when you open them up, and pencil sharpeners shaped like a human nose. Why these? It's not so much that I think you need to liberate your inner child in the coming months, though that would be beneficial. What I'm even more interested in is inspiring you to be a bit more mischievous and a lot less literal. You'll be amazed at how much your chances
for success will improve if you don't follow the rules quite so strictly.

And I really don't intend to get in a habit of posting mine, but they go together so nicely:

ARIES: Happy Holy Daze, Aries! I predict that you will be more lighthearted about love in 2003. I see you taking yourself less seriously as you seek riper versions of romance and intimacy. I envision you injecting more humor into your sexual experiences. Here, then, are my suggestions about what holiday gifts you should give yourself: 1. a bumper sticker that reads, "I am no longer looking for the perfect partner. I am my own perfect partner." 2. Steve Penny's booklet, "How To Have Great Laughing Sex." 3. White boxers or silk panties on which you've used a felt-tip marker to write a goofy prayer or love spell.

So, you see Keanu, we really should get together next year...

Just for laughs.